She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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