I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize