He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your penis caused this!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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