Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
