If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
