the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
