Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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