So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
