yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
