Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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