My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
