i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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