Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
