I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
