hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
