Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
