I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
