Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
