dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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