the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize