sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had to cum in my sink.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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