I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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