i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
