I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
