Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
