So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
