he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
