u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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