he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize