Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
