awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
