Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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