yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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