I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
