In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
