Cold hands, warm shart.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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