TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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