Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
