I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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