someone threw a dead crab at me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
