Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
