I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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