You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
