True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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