dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
