Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
