Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
