I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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