Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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