oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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