She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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