it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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