I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
