so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
