If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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