the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
