I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
