then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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