I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
