addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
