Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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