I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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