you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
