My hand turned me down
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
