I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
