I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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