Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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