i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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