My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
